03.27.15 FIVE THINGS THAT I AM GRATEFUL FOR

Source: Instagram @Stephynow

During my yoga class this morning, just as we were settling into shavasana, the instructor asked us to focus on what we are grateful for. That made me smile. Honestly, when was the last time you consciously thought about what you were grateful for in your life? It's been an embarrassingly long time.

What are five things that I am grateful for today?

ONE: TODAY.
I am here, present, and happy. I am grateful that I get to experience the day today. What makes it better? That it's a day off from the stresses of a workplace, and that I get to enjoy what I love doing which is yoga, cooking and baking. I am grateful for today.

TWO: THE JOB I JUST QUIT. 
When I think about what my job gave me, I realize it gave me experiences but also very important relationships. I met Mike, made a great work-family, and made a few friends. Some of whom I hope will continue to keep in touch as I pursue this new adventure. I am grateful to have met such wonderful people, and to have met the best man in the world.  I posted a #tbt on my Instagram about this yesterday.

THREE: MY HEALTH.
I mean more than just eating well. I mean taking care of myself emotionally and physically. I feel the best I've felt in months. I'm consciously eating well, practicing yoga, working out, and spending time doing things I love. I am truly happy. For that, I am grateful.

FOUR: GOOD FOOD.
Over the past few months, I've become quite the foodie. Some nights, Mike just wants to get something prepared and stick it in the oven. I never let him - I love making food, experiencing it, feeling proud about it. You can't do that when you buy a pre-made meal. I am grateful to have access to good, quality food, and to have the time to make it for us.

FIVE: MIKE.
Did I save the best for last? Maybe... Mike is my rock. He's there for me anytime I need it. I love him to death and am so lucky to have him in my life. Honestly, I could count a million and one reasons. I won't name them all because you'd be reading this post forever, but I'm grateful that he let me into his life the same way that I let him into mine.

What are you grateful for today?

03.24.15 THE RIPPED JEAN.

Last weekend I went to the mall with 1 goal: to find more work clothing for the new job.

But in the back of my mind, I knew what I really wanted. A great pair of slightly distressed blue jeans. I didn't know how realistic this would be - It's been difficult to find a great pair of jeans recently. A pair that fits like a glove, stretches but doesn't "bag" out, is the perfect colour... my expectations are high.

Well I found them. At Zara! I've never been able to find a pair of pants at Zara that fit properly, but when I pulled these on, I knew they were the ones. And to top it off, they were only $50, which is quite reasonable for a good pair of denim.

Now, about that work clothing I meant to get...

03.13.15 I QUIT MY JOB.

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This week I quit my job.

I handed in my two weeks notice, blindsiding my colleagues and bosses.  "Do you even know how far you can go here?" "You are so close to a promotion, why?" "Do you even know what you're giving up?" These are just a few of the questions that I've been fending off and trying to answer during this whirlwind of a week.

The truth is, I'm taking a hard look at my life. What do I want? Where do I want to be? And more importantly, what will make me happy? These are all such difficult questions to answer for someone with little experience in life, but I'm trying to do the best I can.

The job I was in was challenging, motivating and fast-paced. It fit me perfectly... Until it became a little too demanding. It's a cyclical business, and at one point during the heavy season, I didn't feel well, was getting headaches, and was getting dizzy. During this time, I was working 12+ hour days, running at 110% for months on end, and when I was finally home, I was too tired to do anything. When it all stopped about a month later, I realized it was stress. My body was doing a pretty darn good job telling me I needed to step back.

I realized I needed to make a change. I needed better work-life balance. I needed something that I could really enjoy. I was looking for jobs, but only applying to what I was truly interested in. Going back to my marketing roots, I accepted a position earlier this week. It's a different career path with its own challenges, but with a less demanding schedule.

Now the anxiety is starting to set in. What if I hate this job? What if I'm not challenged enough? The pace is very different, what if I can't get used to it? The company is going through challenges, so I'm giving up a very secure job for something much riskier- am I crazy?

Every life decision comes with its challenges. Changing jobs is difficult - much more difficult than I anticipated. I've gone through all the emotions: fear, sadness, excitement... I'm terrified that I'm making a huge mistake, but I have to remember to keep it in perspective: I'm not going to die, it will be a learning experience, and above all, I did this for a reason. I can't ever forget the reason why.

Have you ever quit a job before? Did you find it difficult?

03.10.15 TRAPPED.

When asked "what's your biggest fear?", different things run through my head. From the cliche "being alone forever" to the silly ones like "uncooked meat", I pondered how I would approach answering this question. In the end, I decided it was best if I answered truthfully. Honestly. The whole point of this blog this is to let you see into my life. Why should I sugar-coat this?

Being trapped. That's my biggest fear.

I never ever want to feel like I'm trapped in the life I'm living. Relationships, jobs, cities, situations... I am terrified of the potential of being trapped somewhere I hate, doing something I don't like, with people I dislike. And not being able to get out.

Like any good psychology book would tell you, part of this can be attributed to my childhood. It would make sense. But it didn't really occur to me until I spent 5 and a half years in a relationship that had me feeling completely helpless, trapped and unable to leave. I felt like I had to stick around because of obligation, because I owed them that, because it would be worse if I left.

The truth is, I wasn't thinking about my own happiness. I was trapped.

I'm terrified of going through this again. That I will wake up one day and realize I made mistakes in life that I can't get out of. What will I do then? I don't want to be unhappy for the rest of my life.

All I can do is live in the moment, be with people I love, and make sure I am doing things I enjoy doing. Then I won't ever be able to regret my decisions in life. If I ever feel legitimately trapped,  I need to have the courage to recognize it, and fix it. I need to be in tune with me.

And that, my friends, is my biggest fear. What's yours?

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A group of bloggers have gotten together to start a little online blogging group to share advice, get feedback, and support each other. We've decided once a month to all write a post on the same topic. Below my post you'll find links to all of the wonderful ladies in the group so that you can read about their biggest fears, too. I highly encourage you to check them out- you might find some new favorite blogs!

Sarah Hartley ** Gabrielle Bogan ** Slice of Heaven ** Chaotic and Collected ** Sara Montana Says ** Unabashedly Me

03.08.15 BREAKFAST PROFESSIONALS

For the first several months of our relationship, Mike and I went to Broadways Bar & Grill in Barrhaven every.single.weekend. The home-fries called us. The plates were so full, only twice did I devour the entire meal. The service was super quick, and a few times we were in and out in under a half hour.

But over time, we longed for something different. A change of pace. The homefries got a little too greasy. The crowd became a little too familiar. Everything was just a bit too predictable.

So we started exploring other options. We've made it our mission to try out as many breakfast places as we can, and come up with a list of favourites. We always get the same thing - "the special" - which is usually a variation of 2 eggs, meat (bacon, sausage or ham - I give mine to Mike), homefries and toast. The classic breakfast. Now, who does it best?

We are early on in this process, but I love trying new places, and we're quickly becoming experts in what defines a "good breakfast place".

So far, Mike's favourite is the Royal Oak. He likes the home-fries - they're not greasy and just the right amount of spice. The eggs are also "real" (see our experience below). My favourite is still Broadway, but the location on Riverside is better. It's a little less greasy and you're less likely to run into the "I'm-so-hungover-I-can't-change-out-of-sweats-or-bother-to-shower-before-breakfast" crowd.

Places we will not return to? Heart and Crown. Their eggs were definitely out of a box. They were rubber and not appetizing at all. The home-fries were mediocre. And it was expensive!! Why return? Maybe for an evening beer and to watch the game. That is their specialty anyway.

This week we went to Hard Stone's in Manotick. It was OK. You don't get much food, and it wasn't anything special. We may return one day, but not anytime soon.

Do you enjoy going for breakfast? Are you a "regular" anywhere?

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You can follow my adventures on Instagram here: @itsmekelly!

02.26.15 RECIPE TESTING: VEGGIE BURGERS

Veggie burgers. Last weekend I explored the territory of making my own. I googled a recipe and found this simple one from the blog She Likes Food: Smokey sweet potato, black bean & brown rice veggie burger.

Here is the recipe for your quick reference:

Ingredients for the patty:

1 15 oz can of black beans, rinsed and drained

1 cup cooked brown rice

3 cups roasted sweet potatoes, see recipe below

2 tablespoons chopped red onion

2 tablespoons chopped cilantro leaves

½ teaspoon salt

½ teaspoon cumin

½ teaspoon garlic powder

½ teaspoon smoked paprika

¼ teaspoon paprika

Ingredients for Roasted Sweet Potatoes:

3 cups diced sweet potatoes

1 teaspoon olive oil

½ teaspoon cumin

½ teaspoon paprika

½ teaspoon garlic powder

½ teaspoon salt

¼ teaspoon pepper

Directions:

"Pre-heat the oven to 375 degrees F. On a large sheet pan, place the diced sweet potatoes, olive oil, and all the spices. Toss until sweet potatoes are coated and place into the pre-heated oven. Roast for about 25 minutes, flipping once, or until sweet potatoes are fork tender. Let cool for a few minutes.

Place all of the veggie burger ingredients into a food processor and process for about 10 - 20 seconds until everything is mixed together but still has some texture to it. Form patties (you should get about 6 of them depending on the size you make) and place them on a parchment paper lined baking sheet. Chill in the refrigerator for about 20 minutes.

Heat a large pan over medium heat and coat the bottom with a thin layer of olive oil. Place burgers in the hot pan and cook for about 10 minutes, flipping once, until burgers are heated through.

If grilling the burgers, grill over medium heat and rub a little bit of olive oil on the grill to ensure that the burgers don't stick. "

- She Likes Food blog

I made a few of my own modifications. I didn't add onions, reduced amount of beans, omitted smoked paprika and cilantro, and didn't use a food processor. But they still turned out fab! I found that they broke apart a little bit, but I think that was maybe because a) didn't use a food processor, and b) didn't let them sit in the fridge like I should have...

But the flavour? Totally bang-on. I definitely recommend this recipe. Now I shall return to the She Likes Food blog and continue to go through their mouthwatering food recipes.

Do you like veggie burgers? Or are you a beef-burger-lover through and through?

02.22.15 WEEKEND INSPIRATION

Yesterday, Mike and I went to a brewery tour at Ottawa's own Broadhead Breweing Co. What a cool experience.

We walked in and the place was much smaller than expected. You could tell that the entire operation was as DIY as it gets. What better way to exemplify the craft beer style? Between their inspiring story, their super tasty beer, and the slight buzz I had from the samples (thankfully Mike was DD), I left the place a little more excited than when I arrived.

The four founders started their operations making beer in their garage. They expanded to their basement. When they decided to go commercial, they found themselves strapped for cash, needing new facilities. They moved, repurposed old equipment and created their own machines, making Broadhead one of Ottawa's full-blown microbrewery - DIY style.

How awesome is it that such a cool company found this niche? Before craft breweries started popping up all over Ottawa, Broadhead carved out its place in the market. They saw a demand, and moved right in. They did it with minimal money, some very smart and talented individuals, and a little bit of risk.

It's an inspiring story.

When I left, I couldn't stop thinking about how interesting it would be to be a part of something like this. Entrepreneurship is fascinating to me. I'm not one to go into business for myself because I'm very risk averse. I also don't have any good ideas.... But it doesn't stop me from thinking about how cool it would be to be a partner in something. To build something from the ground up. To give it my everything.

And that thought left me smiling :)

02.21.15 THE MOTIONS

Today's musing: I've been thinking about the motions of life.

Elementary, secondary school? Check.
High school? Check
Get a high-school-kid job? Check.
Get stuck in a bad relationship? Check. Check Check.
Go to university, get a degree? Check
Get a grown up job, that turns into a career? Check.
Find a boy who loves you and treats you right? C-h-e-c-k.

And then what comes next? Most would say the moving in with this boy, an engagement, the wedding, and the babies.

It's crazy how hard-wired we are to follow this path that is set for us. Some people break from the mold, but in general this is the skeleton of our lives. The average person goes through these motions in life.

I would be lying if I said I didn't want it. I want to be a wife, a mother, own a house... the whole nine yards. But a part of me hates how predictable it is.

Maybe part of growing up is coming to terms with it? Maybe I've got a bit of a mid-20's-life-crisis thing going on? Am I the only one that thinks about things like this? Am I just over-analyzing life?

Have you followed the motions? Have you broken away from the pack? I'd love to hear someone else's thoughts on this.

02.17.15 UNINSPIRED

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Lately I've felt uninspired.

Not sure what it is, but between the S.A.D. and trying to figure out some key parts in my life, I feel like I'm missing something to be passionate about.

What do I want to do for the rest of my life? What sorts of projects do I want to devote my time to? What can I jump head-first into?

These are the kinds of questions that run through my mind over and over and over again. I'm not sure where to go or where to look. The only person with the answers is me, but I haven't found them yet.

Over the past couple of years I have discovered my love for new things, like cooking, yoga and learning about physical and mental health. I find that I don't give myself enough time to do these things I love, and when I get to do it, I feel rushed.

Life is busy. Working all day means getting home at 6, only to be in bed 4 hours later. Don't get me wrong, I'm grateful for a job, but life lately seems off balance. The hours fly by and I don't even know how. The weekends come and go, and I don't even remember what I did with myself.

All I know is that I won't stop searching until I find it. That balance - that "it". Whatever it may be.

On a somewhat related note, I'm glad to be blogging again. Even if no one else reads my nonsense, at least I have an outlet where I can explore my thoughts, put them into writing, and make sense of them. I now realize how much I missed this...

02.15.15 FIGHTING THE WINTER BLUES

This winter has been COLD. Every time I go outside I feel like my face is going to freeze off. Usually January is pretty bad, but I feel like this year February has been worse.

I've only been on the canal once this year. I love going skating, but not when your eyeballs freeze over. Not cool. The winter blues are out in full-force. I am waiting for the moment I can go outside without mitts. That would be nice. But until then, what do I do to fight the winter blues? 

1) NETFLIX. Admittedly I spent too much time in front of my TV. Currently I have the following on the go:

- Prison break, with the boyfriend

- The Office, finishing the series (I never saw seasons 8 and 9)

- Friends, for when I feel like having noise in the background

- New Girl, another being watched with the boyfriend

But what is better than cuddling up on the couch with a thick fuzzy blanket and a cup of tea staring at a screen forgetting about everything else in the world? Nothing, that's what.

2) SHOPPING. You're staying out of the cold and that's all that matters. I haven't done too much of this lately on account of "trying" to be a responsible adult. But I love online shopping... you can window shop and you don't even have to leave your house. Bonus.

3) YOGA. The city hosts a bunch of recreational classes, yoga included. For a sort-of-beginner, this is the perfect (affordable) way to see how much I really like it. Since I've started, I've become addicted to my weekly classes. A great way to get out of the house, but not spend time in the frozen tundra.

What do you do to fight the winter blues?